Tree-Hugging Dirt Worship

March 21, 2012

Supreme Creaming Barr in “Americans Elect” Delegates

Checking Out Americans Elect

Americans Elect is an organization that ditches the primary / caucusing nightmare in favor of secure Internet voting as a means for nominating a Presidential candidate. They are avowedly nonpartisan, but are seeking ballot access similar to that enjoyed by many of the parties. Americans Elect was founded and funded by managerial multimillionaires, and according to its bylaws the Board of Directors actually holds most of the control over the nominating process, thus rendering the Internet voting little more than a fraud! So, you know, I figure they deserve as much chance as the two major parties, since they’re pretty much all guilty of running the same type of scam…

I was intrigued by Americans Elect’s promise to match me with politicians who hold similar views, based on my answers to survey questions. First, I gave them basic info like my name and e-mail address. Then, they asked me creepy security questions, like “which of these corporations have you been associated with?” If they knew the answers, I assume that any data miner out there would know. Once I got into the matching process, I found myself craving for the “gold” merit badge, so to earn it I slogged through 200 grindingly similar survey questions.

They matched me with Ralph Nader as my top pick. Nader and I have pretty compatible views, I’ll grant, but he needs to stay out of electoral politics since being blamed for Bush’s win over Gore. Never mind that the Socialist candidate also got enough votes to tip the scales to Bush; never mind that Republican politicians dispatched thugs to stop vote counting with threats of violence in the Brooks Brothers Riot; never mind that five members of the Supreme Court committed treason with their indefensible and blatantly partisan ruling in Bush v Gore; everyone thinks that it was somehow Ralph Nader’s fault, so he needs to keep his talents directed elsewhere.

In second place was Rahm Emanuel! Emanuel is one of these sleazy characters who drifts between government and banking jobs, making millions through graft, inside information and usually fraud. While Emanuel was a director of Freddie Mac, the company was plagued with scandals. The entire B.o.D. earned remarks of censure from the Office of of Federal Housing Enterprise Oversight. The Obama Administration denied a FOIA request to open Freddie Mac’s books from Rahm’s time there (circa 2000), which comes as no surprise because Emanuel served as Obama’s Chief of Staff. Getting rid of banking corruption and government acquiescence is pretty close to my number-one issue, but it’s not an issue that registers with the Americans Elect algorithm. This is no political eHarmony, let me tell you.

The Presidential Contest that Really Matters

I was pleased this morning to visit Misinformed Citizen’s of America and find that Vermin Supreme is collecting Americans Elect delegates as a draft candidate (49 so far). With his platform of mandatory oral hygiene, a pony for every citizen and time travel research (to be used for killing baby Hitler), he is edging out lesser-known political figures like Jeb Bush and Paul Krugman (48 each), at least since I cast my vote this morning. Roseanne Barr, running also for the Green Party nomination, has collected only 25 “Americans Elect” delegates.

I want to see Supreme get at least 66 supporters on Americans Elect, which may be enough to put him ahead of Noam Chomsky (65 supporters). Noam Chomsky is no fun anymore, and he just keeps on framing American foreign policy in terms reflecting the Vietnam fiasco. Vermin Supreme, by contrast, glitterbombed Randall Terry. The future of everything hangs on Supreme vs. Chomsky as much as it hangs on the ultimate “winner” in the race for Chief Marionette. At least the minor characters have distinguishable platforms! Some of these people speak as their own thinking person, not as a mouthpiece for interest groups with bribes of campaign dollars and inside information. So how to weigh a choice between real people who can’t win, or trying to choose a winner from amongst self-lobotomized programmable sponsorship-seeking zombies? I’ll throw my lot in with human intelligence, thank you, and be defeated with enough integrity to be able to go on living. Someday, the people may even begin to win against the zombies — it’s normal to lose before you start winning, for what that’s worth.

But I have to tell you Green Party people, Roseanne Barr is a bit of a loose cannon. Doesn’t she know that she splits Vermin Supreme’s vote and risks ruining everything?

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3 Comments »

  1. “Americans Elect” is a very cool idea, but it does still let someone else frames the issues… and thus, it recommends you vote for Rahm — crazy! Apparently, there is no question such as “Would you be willing to vote for a candidate who is an agent of a Western intelligence agency such as the CIA or Mossad?” — thus no way to say “Fuck no, I’m not voting for that guy.” Or: “Would you be willing to vote for a candidate who purchased a political position in a city without fair electoral processes, such as Chicago?” Or: “If you knew a candidate had been instrumental in creating a sex scandal for a previous US president, would you be more likely or less likely to vote for him (her)?” Etc. Or: “Would you be willing to vote for Ari’s brother?” (any fan of Entourage would either say “Hell, no” or “Hell yes, that would be hilarious!”).

    Last time ’round I voted for Cynthia McKinney based on the following thought process: “Hey! I didn’t know Cynthia McKinney was on the ballot, that rocks! Not just a black dude but a black woman! And the establishment hates her! And they stole her Congressional seat! And she wants more 911 investigation! Hell yes!” I had no idea what (say) her economic, education, gun control, environmental, etc, policies might be.

    Protest votes are so much simpler.

    Your last line is effing brilliant humor! =)

    Comment by freelearner — March 22, 2012 @ 3:52 am

  2. LOL! Love this. But I would think you’d be a Barr supporter, given that she’s totally, 100% against the drug war and FOR legalized marijuana. Then again, it’s good to be surprised by your kids sometimes …

    Comment by Kris — March 23, 2012 @ 1:17 pm

  3. Lol… she isn’t promising me a pony!

    Comment by paragardener — March 25, 2012 @ 8:07 pm


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